Happy Valentine's Dutdut!

Since, it's Valentine's allow me to recycle an old picture. I miss the beach. And I miss my dutdut. I wasn't able to send you anything thru courier because I am so busy this season - good thing that you're not here, or i would be so guilty.

I hope I can go there soon. Crossing my fingers that my weekend schedule next week continues to be free.

Keep safe.

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

This is the third blogpost I am attempting to write. Let's see if this gets to stay posted.

I have tried twice to take Hanna's cue and list down my blessings so I can feel better - to no avail. I ended up crying and questioning the Lord twice and that's not good.

So there.

This is one of the rare times that I can't even express myself through writing - and that's not good too.

Ang hirap when you have absolutely nothing positive to look forward to. Ang dating weekend uwi, naging every other weekend, naging four days per month, naging overnight na nga lang, OB pa, at di pa qualified sa RnR.

Mixing fatigue, pressure, mounting gastos (3 buwan na namin di nababayaran kuryente, bukod sa nasirang kotse at car registration, naubos din ang gasul at nasira ang washing machine, at me scheduled bakuna si araw ngayong buwan, at ang mga airfares ng mga yayang parating) and loneliness over the husband's very, very short homecoming is fatal. Buong gabi ko lang yakap ang iniwan niyang t-shirt na kelangan ko na ring ipalaba kasi amoy sipon ko na, di na amoy ni Arnie.

There's no gold at the end of the rainbow. Only leprechauns. And perhaps, aliens.

Feb 5 - Random Thoughts

Came back home to see another bukol on Araw's head. The yayas really need to go. We are targeting end of February to have the new yayas on board.

***

Since we don't have that much money to spend during the one day that Arn's here (while waiting for the car to get fixed), we had family time at the Army grandstand. We jogged as a family! Well, Gael and Araw had their bikes with them. Arnie and I ran.

At night, Arnie and I went out to have balut. Afterwards, I went upstairs to work, but Arnie called me and told me to go down again. Was surprised to see some lighted candles, and to hear our song playing in the background. We finally got to enjoy our new sofa ;)

***

Yesterday was a good day for work. I really feel so blessed to be meeting very benevolent people in my job.

***

I wonder if I'm the only one who does this, but every time Arn leaves for work, I leave his used clothes on at the hanger by our door so I can still smell him.

Yesterday, feeling so bitin with his very short stay, I wore the last shirt he wore before heading off. This gave me comfort thru the night. Ang baduy ko no?

Sometimes, I talk to his picture too that's pasted on our bedroom wall. And please don't judge me when I say that the boys and I have developed this habit of kissing that picture every morning and every night.

***
Oh when will we have more family time?

because aliens are cruel

The husband was home.

And I find it so unfair that official business trips are considered as "going home" and thus disqualifies him from applying for RnR.

Uwi ba yun when the only thing he does here is sleep? He arrives at 11pm, then goes to work before the kids wake up and then goes back home at 11pm again when the boys are already asleep and then finally leaves for Tralala at 4am.

Buti na lang ngayon nasira ang sasakyan so we had an extra day with him while we waited for the car to get fixed. Yes, even if it costs us more than P5k to have the repairs done, we still view it as a blessing - parang binili ko ang family time. :(

I am trying my very, very best to keep positive, but there are people who are so narrow-mindedly inconsiderate that sit-ups, work, running couldn't block the settling in of depression.

3 months without uwi = 15 days of RnR

pero kami in 3 months we have 6 nights. days don't count because he's doing official stuff. and the extra day yesterday, is that counted, when the extra day was because our car broke down dahil nilalaspag ng trabaho niya? shouldn't that be counted as official too?

15 days vs 6 nights. no matter how i look at it, it still doesn't feel/seem right.

life gets in the way

Sometimes, life gets in the way of your most beautiful plans. It sucks, but there's nothing you can do about it. Deal with it and move forward.

I have been planning for our March vacation ever since we got home from our New Year's vacation at Tralala. I already knew I wanted to go to Sorsogon to do some whale-watching. I already knew we would devote some days in Legaspi so Arn can touch base with his elementary and high school friends. I already planned on purchasing our tickets on the 2nd or 3rd week of February, when I have gotten my two salaries and paid off our credit card and utility bills. I have checked the resorts, made a temporary itinerary, asked Arn to coordinate with his classmate assigned in Sorsogon.

But then the yaya gets pregnant and the other yaya is already getting on my nerves. And so we need to pay for airfares for the new yayas and give the old ones exit pay. 6k for the pamasahe plus about 3K para naman di kawawa itong mga aalis. There goes my allotment for our airfare to Legaspi.

Aside from the financial considerations, it will be so hard to leave the home to two new persons whom we don't know if we could trust yet. And it would be too much naman, if we will bring them with us as they don't deserve a vacation quite yet.

I am still disappointed, but, hey, I'm dealing with it. Other people have bigger problems. Too bad I was told I couldn't do sit-ups anymore and I couldn't run now because of my monthly period - I couldn't sweat off this bad feeling. In the meantime, I'm just looking at different Batangas, LU, resorts, or maybe Pagsanjan, Hundred Islands or Pinatubo or baka weekend in a nice hotel here in MM na lang? I'm still set on having a vacation to mark our 5th anniversary as husband and wife - with little adjustments on the place and the cost.

The Boring Stuff

"It might sound boring, but sometimes it's the boring stuff I remember the most." - Russell, Up

1. Shopping for groceries.

2. Driving and getting lost together.

3. Drinking hot choco while watching the boys sleep.

4. Watching youtube together. Watching DVDs together.

5. Eating together. Cooking for him. Serving him in "half-moon format" - rice on upper half of the plate, and then ulam at the bottom half.

6. Walang hanggang kuwentuhan, walang tulugan.

7. Doing errands.

8. Seeing his disorganized clothes again at the back of our bedroom door.

9. Looking at my three boys playing with the ipod, the laptop and the PSP

10. kilitian sessions with the boys upon waking up. kahit na ako palagi ang victim.

11. going to mass, with all of us complete. kisses during peace be with you and after the final blessing.

Feb 1, 2010

Random thoughts again...

1. This must be a busy, busy month for Mr. Stork. Out of the three that I know are pregnant, only one actually wants to be and my prayers are with her. I'm so excited for her too, learning she's expecting is the best news I've received today.

2. Looks like we have to cancel our planned vacation this March. We would need to save up for the airfares of the two incoming yayas (We want somebody from Mindanao this time, para matagal bago umuwi, bwehehehe). And then we will give something extra for the two yayas who are going. Kaya sige, sila na lang ang masaya.

3. Pero tama ba na I'm giving the two yayas pa an exit pay of sorts? e di na rin naman talaga ako masaya sa kanila. They spend so much time on the phone. Minsan naiinis na ko sa Smart at bakit me unli-calls sila. Wala na ginawa kundi tumawa ng tumawa habang me kausap sa telepono. there are times when I go home and I find my room in the same disarray as I left it. Tapos minsan naman after I asked them to do a general cleaning, aba, andami ko pa rin nakitang alikabok at toys sa ilalim ng kama. Tapos pag me food ako sa bahay, aba, bago ko pa makain ubos na. Lalo na if it's cake, ice cream or snickers, or lately manggang hilaw and bagoong. Tapos ang nakakairita pa, nahuli ko minsan sa labahan ang isang plastic ng manggang hilaw at isang plastic ng chichirya, na parang tinatago nila. Di ba ang damot. Ang pagkain namin free for all, pero ang pagkain nila sa kanila lang,, pero sumasawsaw sila sa asin at bagoong ko?

4. Di na rin siguro kami akyat ng homecoming. For more katipiran mode. I might just go to Tralala and visit arn instead, tutal sabi niya sagot niya lahat.

5. February is going to be a busy month. All my weekends are booked. And I see myself staying up late to finish writing tasks most nights.

6. Arn might come home this week to get the battalion's SA again. I am praying so hard he'll be able to stay for a longer period of time. Wag naman sanang one night stand uli. I usually cancel all appointments when he's here, but looking at my calendar now, di ko alam pano ko maasikaso si arnie if he does go home, kaya magpupuyat na talaga ako, para kahit papano, mabawasan ang mga kelangan ko gawin.

7. masama pala ang sit-ups sa nakapanganak na? napakasipag ko pa naman lately because I so want to have a flatter stomach. darn. what do i do now when I get envious or am feeling negative? e sa sit-ups ko nirerelease ang frustration ko lately para di na kami nag-aaway ni arn, e sumesexy pa ko. hehe.

8. to get cable tv or not? magastos e. pero sabi ng dad ko, he's willing to pay for our monthly subscription as his gift to our boys. only dilemma is, baka lalo nang di nagbantay ng mga anak ko ang mga yaying.

9. i need to get a driver's license but i'm so tamad to drag my ass down to the lto and face that long, long line. arn will be leaving the vehicle with me soon kasi nabubugbog lang sa tralala.

10. i love my sisters-in-law! last week, they decided to surprise me with starbucks because they learned that i have been staying up late working. yun nga lang, the night they went here was the one night i had to sleep early because i wasn't feeling well. but still, i feel so happy and blessed to have very thoughtful sisters-in-law.

11. watched julie and julia. i want to try the beef recipe. and the recipe for that bread with tomatoes. but what i loved most of all about the movie is what it taught me about marriage and the importance of supporting the one you love. julie's and julia's husbands are amazing.

Snippets of thoughts

what a day!

one yaya took an unexpected day off yesterday and didn't come back until 10:30am today. this caused me a lot of delayed work and gael going to school late as well.

in the process, as i was waiting for her to come back, i talked to the other yaya and asked her if i let the day-off yaya go, she would feel bad and leave as well. this conversation opened pandora's box. other yaya started crying and confessed that she's pregnant, she's sorry and that she's leaving by march. she begged us to let her continue to stay at our home so she can still help pay for her older sister's tuition.

sayang. araw loves this other yaya. she's efficient, trustworthy and malambing to my boy. she's been here one month before araw was born.

now instead of one replacement, i have to look for two and fast.

i also do hope that my very maselan and very nangingilala araw (yes, even at 1 year and 7 months) will get accustomed to whoever will be the new yaya.

***

super busy, will be on call center mode until feb 14.

call center meaning i'll probably need to stay awake most nights and do business calls and meetings during the day.

i am really praying that i'd get enough partners for the campaigns i'm working on.

i also pray to get more donors, especially if donating means just being P100 poorer per month - cheaper than your regular starbucks coffee.

as i always say when i pray to our dear Lord for help, may this week be a good week for work, Lord, for that means that more children are helped. may i be a competent, trusted channel through which people would find it easy and compelling to reach out.

***

last saturday, i attended an orientation for hopefully a new career/business venture. yes, as if i still have time to go into another thing.

i'll get interviewed this thursday. will attend trainings this february, and hopefully, i'll get my license by then too.

stay tuned. eto na kaya magpapayaman samin? hehe.

seriously, pareho kami ni arn, di talaga namin pareho pinangarap maging mayaman. gusto lang namin komportable kami, yun lang. what entices us to get into this business is the potential of helping people maximize their resources through smart and wise investments. yes, financial investment talk from somebody as mathematically-challenged as me. abangan.

***
missing the husband again, but trying my best not to whine too much about it.

good thing he misses me too and asked me to visit him when my schedule lightens up a bit - and this time, sagot daw niya lahat, yey! kaya lang iniisip ko pa lang ang long hard commute to tralala, parang gusto ko nang sabihing, "hindi sige na, hindi na pala kita miss, hihintayin na lang kita umuwi." hehe. pero, will see.

looks like i'll have a valentine's date! or maybe a post-valentine's date as husband's seriously considering me just going to tralala during the pma homecoming weekend instead of going to baguio. mas couple time daw yun, kasi stress lang naman daw ang makukuha namin pag umakyat kami ng baguio.

***
so excited to watch rent and avenue q with high school friends.

so excited to watch dinig sana kita too this wednesday.

oo naman, dapat me social life pa rin di ba?

***
my boys have been extra sweet to me these past few days that i find it too uncomfortable to sleep, hehe.

pano kasi the eldest demands that we hold hands kahit imposible ang sleeping position niya. yung youngest naman, kelangan nakadikit palagi pisngi niya sa pisngi ko.

everyday, kahit i am more stressed now and work's more toxic than it was when i had a full-time office job, i still feel so blessed to have these opportunities that allow me to earn and be with my boys most days of the week.

***
ayun, kelangan ko na magtrabaho. kung gusto ko pang matulog bago ang aking meeting bukas ng umaga.

at least kasama kong gising si noel cabangon. thanks jang for a copy of his album.

be safe

received disturbing news today. and i can only pray that he and his men continue to be safe.

hey daddy, it's okay if you don't come home soon. it's okay too if you don't call or text for a while especially if you'll be exposing yourself to danger by going up some mountain just to get a decent cellphone signal.

just continue to be safe.

in the meantime, i'll preoccupy myself with searching for packages for that vacation in march you promised we'd try to have. (since i doubt i'd be able to sleep until things on your end stabilize)

i love you.